SmilesFitz's Xanga

yes, long time I know

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 15:03:12 GMT

So here I am. Trust me. The thought of updating this has crossed my mind...somewhere in me I feel really bad about even updating this. I feel like I should be doing more productive things with my time, like running, practicing, reading for classes, catching up with old friends, etc. But you know what? I'm still going to write in this thing, dang it!! I need to be taking a shower because I'm going to the 10:45 service at Austin Stone this week (I accidentally overslept for Hyde Park Sunday school....oopsies!).
Thanks to everyone for the nice messages regarding my last post. Many of you even called me and offered a place to stay until the house got its locks changed. Thanks so much. We ended up getting the locks changed by this REALLY dumb ass guy who liked talking more than he did fixing the locks. One week and much insanity lost later, he fixed the doors, somehow after having to saw the dead bolt to the front door in half....don't ask...
The day after I had the house scare, I got to go to South Carolina to visit my grandparents, whom I have not seen in at least two years! I knew it would be nice, but WOW! It was so beautiful out there. They live right along the coast, and the beach is literally like a 10 minute drive from their house. I just love the ocean..I think there is something very romantic about it. Maybe the fact that the ocean is basically a road to a place where the land, the people, the language, is completely foreign to America. All it takes is crossing the ocean. And then the ocean itself...I just love the waves and the motion of the water when it moves. When it's completely still, it almost looks like glass. Sorry, that was my ocean tangent....anywho, it was absolutley beautiful and of course I got to spend wonderful time with my grandparents who really are the most awesome, hip senior citizens I have ever encountered. Like, they aren't super "in" with the times (pop culture and such), but the thing is that they just do their thing, and somehow manage to keep up with current events, music, technology, etc. It's really cool. After I went to church with them, we went out and got some brunch with a bunch of their friends. Seriously....they were so cool!!!

Okay, if I don't want to be disgusting for the church service I better get a shower in. More will come soon though, and I hope everyone's semester is starting out smoothly...mine is smooth...just really hard. Anywho, take care

paralysis

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 15:17:31 GMT

So, last night around 3am I was sleeping when I woke up to the sound of something in the front yard. At first I just figured it was an animal, but I heard soft, subtle footsteps on to the front porch. The window right by my bed looks directly into the front porch, so I think whoever was there was literally within a few feet of me. At this point I couldn't be so certain it was a human until I heard a key get inserted into the lock of the front door andI heard a man's voice make this weird grunting noise when he couldn't get in. It was absolutely terrifying. I sat in my bed, shaking and hoping so much that he would not be able to get inside the house. He didn't make it inside. I wasn't sure what to do. I slowly turned on the lamp by my bed within a few seconds of hearing him try to get in. I think that might have driven him away. It was so scary though. I felt frozen and defenseless.
After turning on the light, I called Matt hoping he would answer, just so I could not be alone. When he didn't answer, I decided it was silly for me to just wait on another person to wake up, so I called the police. After describing to them what happened, I slowly walked out of my room into the dining room. I remember that on Friday when some electricians came to work on the house, I told them I would put an extra key right by the front door just in case they needed to get in for any reason. When they were done, they put the key under the front door mat. "What nice people," I thought. I really thought they were putting it there to be nice.
So anyway, I slowly creeped to the front door and turned on the porch light. I peeked outside the front door and did not see anyone. I was too terrified to open the door though. What if someone was there waiting for me? I was completely alone in the house- Steph and Jess were out of town. I called Jessica, who was in San Diego, because I knew she would at least be able to calm me down and keep me company before the cops came.
When the cops finally came, we looked underneath the door mat for the spare key and it wasn't there...I feel so stupid. How could I be so trusting?!
No, the dude wasn't able to get in. They tried. I was completely alone. I don't really feel safe anymore. I just can't stop thinking about what would happen if they had gotten in? When I heard them try to come in, I was completely paralyzed. I was like a deer in the headlights that knew what was coming but was in too much shock to even move. Thank goodness nobody got in. I'm sorry this is such a depressing post. I promise I'll do a recap of Christmas break soon, because it was AWESOME (you know who you are!!)! I just don't know if I can be alone like this anymore...I need a hug.

hi :-)

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 02:50:53 GMT

So yes, it has definitely been a while since I have posted in here...but I guarantee that things have overall been well, just extremely busy. First off, I was able to go home for Thanksgiving!! It was so relaxing, and I pretty much just hung out, spent time with the fam, and ate some yummy Thanksgiving food!
Oh! and my birthday was last weekend!! It really did make me smile when so many of you posted all the sweet stuff on my facebook wall. It definitely made that day enjoyable! So a group of us went out to the Clay Pit for dinner and it was so awesome!! We had some super yummy Indian food- so for anyone with an itch to try something new- definitely check out the Clay Pit. They have really interesting martinis and such at their bar too.
Emi came in this weekend...and she just left . I really don't get to see her very often, so it's really great when she comes and we just hang out. She went to Hyde Park with me this morning, then we hung out at my house and watched like 2 1/2 movies on TV then went to Austin Stone with Jessica. After church Jess and I went with a bunch of her friends to Trudy's and it was so fun!!! We were all laughing pretty hard the entire time...good times were had. Okay, I have a question. Has anyone ever had 151 rum? Tonight they had $3.75 mojitos so I got one, and I got it with 151 and it was DISGUSTING!! I seriously thought I was going to light on fire for just sipping on it. I didn't know if it was just a really strong rum or what, but I ended up sending it back and got a mojito with melon rum instead....and it was yummy! Yo recommiendo!
After this week I am officially done with this semester...I am going to be LOVING this break so much. I honestly just plan on hanging out and hopefully catching up with some old friends! SO! Lemme know if you want to hang out!
okay, I'm watching Mummy Returns right now and I keep on getting distracted...so I'm going to get to that. But take care and I hope everyone is getting to the end of the semester okay! night night

Monday, November 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 20:56:06 GMT

Okay, so I NEVER thought I would do one of these things, but I saw it on Jeff's facebook and I suddenly feel compelled to do one...I have officially hit a new low! So here it goes...

Current Location: Austin, Texas
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: dark, dark brown
Height: 5'-4"
Right Handed or Left Handed: left
Your Heritage: Japanese-Irish
The Shoes You Wore Today: my black Diesels
Your Weakness: chocolate
Your Fears: failure, loss of loved ones, violence
Your Perfect Pizza: margherita pizza from Buca di Beppo!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: run a half-marathon!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: tee hee hee!
Thoughts First Waking Up: when can I fit in a nap today?
Your Best Physical Feature: smile
Your Bedtime: between 11p.m. and 12:30ish
Your Most Missed Memory: going to the beach when my family lived in California
Pepsi or Coke: Coke, but I don't really drink soft drinks if I can help it.
MacDonalds or Burger King: GROSS!!!!
Single or Group Dates: definitely group at first, but single dates are nice too
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: NASTY!!
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolat! As long as it's dark and it's NOT Hershey's! That stuff is so gross...
Cappuccino or Coffee: coffee
Do you Smoke: no
Do you Swear: most of the time no, but things slip out
Do you Sing: heck yes! Quite horribly I might add...
Do you Shower Daily: i try to...is that gross???
Have you Been in Love: yeah
Do you want to go to College: well yes, i'm here
Do you want to get Married: yes, but only if I find someone I'm 200% certain I'm supposed to be with them.
Do you belive in yourself: most of the time
Do you get Motion Sickness: yes, quite badly actually
Do you think you are Attractive: most of the time
Are you a Health Freak: Some people say I am, but I don't think I am.
Do you get along with your Parents: yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: YES!!!!
Do you play an Instrument: percussion and piano
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes
In the past month have you Smoked: haha, yes but it was a cigar for a special occasion!
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: eeewww! That's just nasty!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yes
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: yes
Ever been called a Tease: I've been called a flirt...never a tease though.
Ever been Beaten up: no
Ever Shoplifted: no!
How do you want to Die: either in my sleep or some really awesome way, like getting sucked into a tornado or swallowed by a crocodile
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I'm never growing up!
What country would you most like to Visit: Thailand
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: I like them all
Favourite Hair Color: Doesn't matter...EXCEPT if you're a redhead....if you're a redhead I probably think you are insanely hot!!...yeah definitely like the redheads.
Short or Long Hair: short
Height: taller than me.
Weight: doesn't really matter, just not grossly obese I guess!
Best Clothing Style: completely comfortable
Number of Drugs I have taken: none...although I was exposed to way too much second hand pot smoke at ACL...ugh that stuff is so nasty, no offense if you smoke pot.
Number of CDs I own: I dunno!
Number of Piercings: 2- my two ears!
Number of Tattoos: none
Number of things in my Past I Regret: hmm, nothing really I guess. I mean, there are things in my past I wish I didn't do...but I'm still here...so I guess it doesn't really matter if I regret them or not

Okay, that was fun! Anyone else feel like doing one?? You KNOW you want to!!

It is finished!!

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 04:51:35 GMT

I could go on and on about how awesome PASIC was, but I really don't have the energy to put everything in here! Here are some very quick highlights...
-UT Percussion Ensemble THREW DOWN! I was so nervous leading up to the concert, but I just went out there and decided I was going to have the time of my life...and that I did .
-The Keiko Abe Masterclass/Concert. Dang. She was so inspiring. I was truly changed after seeing her and her group play. Fortunately I ran into the woman that designed the Yamaha 6000, Keiko Abe's marimba, and she brought me backstage and introduced me to Keiko! I seriously can not put that experience into words...it was so amazing I had to keep myself from crying. wow.
-Dr. Burritt- I am so proud to be part of his studio. He is such a wonderful person, an amazing player, and a great friend.

PLUS I got to see and meet lots and lots of wonderful people. Seriously! Even if I was only able to spend just a brief amount of time with you- I'm sorry we couldn't have actually been able to hang out, but with everyone wanting to hang out with everyone else, it's hard to juggle everyone. I know we'll all see each other again

So pretty much from here my semester should be a little less stressful...I have the bulk of my music history research paper written, and I have to write a bunch of stuff for my counterpoint class. Anyways....I promised I would update...but I'm seriously pooped and I need my beauty rest. So on that note, more fun insight coming soon....night night everyone

Together...

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 16:28:55 GMT

mmm. Runner's high. It's amazing. I just got back from my first trail race! It was a 10K and it twisted and turned through the hill country, off 360. So in other words it was absolutely gorgeous! The trail was so rocky and tons of people were twisting their ankles the minute they took their eyes off of the trail. There were around 200 people running the 10K, which is a pretty small number. The only catch was that the trail was extremely narrow for most of the race and so it was often I would hear "ON THE LEFT!" as some macho dude would zoom by me. It was awesome though. I feel like I'm finally getting time to study and run and pretty much be productive, so life is good. Those races are just so addictive! There is something very empowering when there are hundreds, sometimes even thousands of people running the same course as you, pushing their minds and bodies collectively. I was a little nervous because the last race I did, the Keep Austin Weird 5K, went awful. I had to stop and walk a couple of times, which, if you know anything about my running, you would know that stopping on a run, nonetheless a RACE? BLASPHEMY! After the race I mosied on over to Whole Foods and treated myself to some extremely satisfying migas with black beans and squash...mmm and green tea!

Sometimes my life feels so chaotic and unbalanced, but lately I honestly can't help but think about all of the reasons why I've had no choice but to be incredibly grateful...
* I have a family that is solid. Seriously. Lord knows my family is far from perfect (usually I'm the one that kind of stirs things up a bit...okay...a lot- but hey I'm a middle child! Comes with the territory, my friend.), but I can't begin to think about what my life would be like if I didn't have such a strong, powerful backbone of people who have an incredible amount of unconditional love for me. Thanks, fam.

* My friends. My goodness. Last week when I was at Austin Stone (it's a church) with Steph and Jess, I had to stop and realize what was happening. Two of my closest friends were at church with me on a Sunday night worshiping the Lord of our lives. Sure, we can have the same sense of humor and be girly "best friends" and what not, but there is something so special about being able to share such a powerful bond with each other. I can't believe it. It's so priceless.

*School. Ugh, on one side of the fence it's by best enemy. On the other side I can't get enough. I truly believe that the more you are educated, the wiser you can become (obviously wisdom only comes if you utilize what you learn!). When someone really kicks my butt and challenges me to expand my mind...that is, they take the time to sit and guide me to broader knowledge- the process as well as the results seem to irreplaceable.

ahh....seriously if you want to put yourself in a pleasant mood, thinking about everything that you ought to be thankful for will cheer you up . Now I think I'm going to take a nice nap, practice, watch the UT-Tech game (HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!!), then I'm going to a concert with my friend Matt! Take care and thanks for faithfully reading my xanga! I PROMISE I'll try to be better about updating....ciao

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 04:12:43 GMT

So....if you have at all been keeping up with my facebook you would probably figure out that I have a new computer and it is WONDERFUL!! My parents got me a MacBook!! It's just really nice to have a computer that functions properly for a friggin change. My memory was getting so bad that I couldn't even access the internet 90% of the time I needed to. Fun stuff. So yeah!!

Tonight was McCallum's last marching band contest for the year. It has been such a great experience. I mean, I know it's not what I want to do with my life or anything, but it's been a nice way to get away from UT for a little bit and help out kids in the community. I'm really going to miss being around those kids. They're a handful but you just can't help loving on them. I'll still be up there teaching private lessons so I won't be completely cut off from the little punks .
I'm not going to lie. My classes are killing me. Well, it's really just my counterpoint class. It's one of those classes that comes REALLY easy for you or else it's like alien language. For me, it's definitely alien language. Everyone who sees it as alien language is too afraid to ask questions, too!! Let me just say this- by the end of the semester I will be an EXPERT in writing Palestrina style....Oh Lordy....

Even with my ridiculously difficult counterpoint class, this semester has been great. So yes...this is my lame update....but life is good and I'm thankful for every minute of it. The end

If My Life Were a Soundtrack....

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 23:45:00 GMT

Has ANYONE seen the Family Guy episode where Peter wishes for his whole life to have a soundtrack? Someone brought that up in my music history class on Thursday and I must say I couldn't stop laughing for a solid five minutes. There is something magical and hilarious when people first discover my uncontrollable laughter. It goes something like this.......

Person X: "Yeah so [insert joke here, such as...well something not that funny]
Me: "Hahahahaha! Oh my gosh that is so hilarious!"
Person X: Gee golly, you think I'm funny! Oh snap!
Me: [still laughing]
[10 minutes pass]
Person XX: Hey, is Mari still laughing at your joke?
Me: [still laughing]
[2 years pass]
Person XX: SHE IS STILL LAUGHING!
Me: [yep. still laughing. ]

So next point of business. This weekend was FABULOUS! The TX-OU game was yesterday, which means I was able to hang out with my old drumline buddies. I love them. I really do. I guess it seems like the level of awkwardness increases each year I'm not there anymore. It makes me a little bummed at times just because those people were my first family when I came to UT, but at the same time I'm having a blast this semester.
In regards to my last entry....
First off, Chris you are so nice! Thanks for the sweet comment! I met with Allen, the college minister at my church. We just sat down and talked about life and insecure futures and such. He gave me a lot of insight into finding God's direction for my life, which was really what I needed I think. So speaking of church....man. Looking back on my track record with church, I really think this is the most I have been connected with a church in a REALLY long time. God is so amazing and I can't believe he keeps taking me back over and over when I keep on turning my back on Him. I really hope I can continue my pursuit of Christ and his love that I pretty much don't get. It's hard for me to even comprehend him seeing the broad scope of everything......what I do understand is that I am a walking mistake as soon as I take things into my own hands. I guess there have been times I have chosen to not believe that because it seems kind of selfish of God. But really....it's God and he makes the rules I guess. I dunno. I still fumble around with it, and I think I will until the day I die. I think the difference is that I'm letting myself get a little callous so it's not so dramatic every time I think I've got better ideas than God.
But anywho, I'm back at home right now and I think I'm going to go spend some much needed time with the fam. I promise I'll try to update more often!

p.s. I GOT A NEW LAPTOP!! It's a Mac iBook and my sister's friend worked at the Apple store so he TOTALLY hooked me up!! WOO HOO! NEW COMPUTER!

Come Away With Me

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 03:30:55 GMT

I'm aware that other people's situations are not as ideal or put-together as it may seem, but man, there is no hiding in my life when I say that I really have no idea what is going to happen. I wish I had this strong desire to be a band director, that way I could just pursue that and be content. I wish I even had some desire to get a music ed degree for job security. I can't do it though. I mean, I could- but why on earth should I be using up my class space on stuff that is a nice back up? Is that what undergrad is for? Maybe it is. Well crap if it is. If I were to stay in ed, I would be here for another two years...I can't take two years of ed classes. I can't take two years of making lesson plans and teaching an eleven year old how to blow through a French Horn. Music is probably one of the biggest inspirations in my life, so of course I will jump for joy at others' discovery or fulfillment in music. Does that mean I need to get a music ed major? I honestly don't think so. That reason is not good enough for me.
I have some scattered ideas about what I want to do after my time here at UT. The ideas are so radical but exciting, I'm scared to death.
        I had an amazing conversation with Dr. Pearsall, the music theory professor at UT. That man is incredible. We talked about everything from narrative forms of pieces to our frustrations with the lack of interest in world music as a culture as well as from a theoretical standpoint. It really got my wheels turning. I wish I had known Dr. Pearsall much earlier in my college career.
        Although I closed the door on dating a few weeks ago, I'm just now beginning to understand life without a sweet and charming guy by my side to help me along the way. I'm beginning to discover how much priority I gave my dating relationships. I'm beginning to understand why I love playing the dating game. It feels absolutely wonderful to be pursued, especially by someone you think is just adorable. I love making the person laugh. I like making them feel important. None of these things are bad. I just think that those instincts and desires aren't really necessary at this point in my life. With all of the uncertainty in my future, along with the complexities of the present, I can't imagine myself devoting so much time and energy into a guy. Not now. But when, God? Fortunately I have two amazing roommates who are so encouraging and empathetic.
       I can think back to when I was nine or ten, I automatically assumed all girls were getting married when they were in their early twenties. The twenties seemed so far away, but I imagined that when it would come, Prince Charming would be waiting for me in his shining armor, ready to take me away. It would come not long after college, and I would live in a cute house with a white picket fence, the perfect rose garden, etc. Now I'm back to reality. I don't really see my reality as a disappointing slap in the face. It's just incredibly different and unpredictable. Looking back on my life so far, it's been pretty cookie cutter up to now. I've been privileged to grow up in a household with a family that was loving and supportive. I got to go to good schools and live in nice neighborhoods. I've traveled all over the place and have had the opportunity to pursue a college degree in music. I guess it's time to shake things up a bit. As Jessica says, God will throw everything into place. I may not be taking a man anywhere anytime soon, but I suppose there is a person much more important that's with me every step of the way....night night all of you

breathe...

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 14:30:42 GMT

Okay, so I'm definitely not high on life or anything, but thankfully doing much better since I last wrote in here. I wish I had some sort of magical questions or thoughts to throw up in here, but I've got nothing. But I can't help but think about a few different things. The two are completely unrelated....
First off, I was having a discussion with Adam yesterday about one gender's view on the opposite. We pretty much came to an agreement that girls generally understand the actions and thoughts of other girls, same with the guys, but girls can not say that she fully understands guys the way guys understand each other. and vice versa. Does that make sense? As much as contemporary culture would like to think that male and female no longer carry a gender role, I can't help but disagree. It's not a matter of which is more "important" than the other. It's simply that each of the genders possess different roles. I guess the big problem comes when people disagree on the indigenous roles of female and male. If each of the genders truly follows their indigenous characteristics, what does this mean for so many different questions on families, lifestyles, sexual orientation (yep, I went there.... )?

"It is a mistake to think that some of our impulses- say mother love or patriotism- are good, and others, like sex or the fighting instinct, are bad. All we mean is that the occasions on which the fighting instinct or the sexual desire need to be restrained are rather more frequent than those for restraining mother love or patriotism. But there are situations in which it is the duty of a married man to encourage his sexual impulse and of a soldier to encourage the fighting instinct. There are also occasions on which a mother's love for her own children or a man's love for his own country have to be suppressed or they will lead to unfairness toward other people's children or countries. Strictly speaking, there are no such things as good and bad impulses. Think once again of a piano. It has not got two kinds of notes on it, the 'right' notes and the 'wrong' ones. Every single note is right at one time and wrong at another. The Moral Law [explained earlier in the book] is not any one instinct or set of instincts: it is something which makes a kind of tune (the tune we call goodness or right of conduct) by directing the instincts.
By the way, the point is of great practical consequence. The most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of your own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs. There is not one of them which will not make us into devils if we set it up as an absolute guide. ..." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

whoosh. That dude is so great. Okay, last thing I have been thinking about a lot. I talk to so many people who grew up in church and then an event or a chain of events cause people to become turned off by the church, or any established religion. Why? I can talk about the struggle in my own faith...but I know every person is different...I dunno.
Anyways, Jessica and I are going on a run, so I'm heading out...everyone take care and thanks to you guys for your kind thoughts- they mean so much to me!